I am having some anxiety issues lately. First with my dog dying, then of course the never ending adventures of raising a teenaged daughter and finally with my job.
Today the anxiety is bad enough that I am nervous, cautious and have an overall apprehensive feeling. That feeling of waiting for something bad to happen. I understand the feeling when it comes to grieving over my dog. I even understand the feeling with my daughter. But with my job I don't totally understand it. Everything is going well, receive accolades etc. But I can't shake the feeling that something bad is gonna wreck everything I have worked for. Yesterday I was told that I am getting a new promotion, and I was over the moon about it. Today, I am nervous and have been overly cautious in my dealings. My confidence is down today and I feel emotional.
I am worried about every little thing. I worry that I am moving too quickly and that perhaps I won't do a good job or worse that I will lose my job. I wonder why I am so worried when I just received news of the promotion? I wonder why I worry when my facility has given me additional responsibilities? Obviously they believe I am qualified. In general I tend to feel qualified, or is it that I have been overconfident and now I am questioning my abilities? Is it the same old self sabotaging that I have practiced in the past? Or is this wisdom telling me to slow down I have been here before and I know what it feels like to have and to lose?
I almost feel like I should just play safe for a while, but then what if the opportunity doesn't present itself again? I don't know how many "comebacks" I have left in me if any. I guess in general I worry that if I am successful I might fail and have to perform another comeback.
Yep, that's the fear, that I if I am successful I will fail somehow. Being put into the spotlight was once very appealing, now I know how hard the fall can be. I feel the need to be under the radar for a while. But the ball is rolling fast now and I can't stop it.
This is gonna take some focus. I should be enjoying this not fearing it. It all begs the question, "Have I gone crazy?"
Malicious Extrapolation
9 years ago
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Feeling overwhelmed and anxious is part of the normal grief process. The loss of a love one will impact your self confidence, make you doubt yourself. Do what your mind is telling you; knowing your "feelings" are off and unreliable at the moment. Fake it until you make it, my friend.
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