My anxiety is "off the charts". I cry easily, worry constantly. I am trying to create a peaceful environment for myself but it is hard to do. I have received some encouraging emails and I am truly thankful for them and take them to heart.
I cannot explain this self doubt and pity I am feeling right now. It seems overwhelming. I know I will get over it (read: I better get over it!). I really thought I was passed this point. I'm guessing not so much...
At what point are you really better? At what point does the depression and anxiety leave you? Does it come back based on events? I'll bet that is it. I bet that the passing of my dog, my daughter giving me fits and the pressure to perform at work sent me over the edge. Not to mention another little "barely escaped that" episode that I don't care to talk about. All of this in a week. Most people could probably handle this with no problem. I am weaker than I would like to be. The events of the past week remind that I have a ways to go.
Somehow writing this blog really seems to help. I am gonna try a small getaway this weekend and see if that doesn't help.
My getaway will consist of a hotel room for 3 days and 2 nights. No phone contact with anyone unless I want it. I will justify this as my birthday gift to myself. I was gonna wait until my birthday but have decided that I need it this weekend. Tomorrow my getaway will begin.
I am debating as to whether or not I can take my one remaining dog. I bet he needs a getaway too. I will take him.
I really shouldn't be giving myself weekends away right now, but I gotta tell ya, I am at the end of my rope.
I hope this helps.
Malicious Extrapolation
9 years ago
Posts
You need to take care of yourself. You DO need this weekend away. Any time you doubt taking the time (or expense) to make yourself sain, thing of the poeple who's lives are built around you. Where are they going to be if you keep slip slideing away?
ReplyDeleteRegarding taking the dog? Honestly, I think you need to worry more about you and less about the dog right now. Taking it with you will constantly remind you of one of the things you need a break from. Even if you only manage moments without grief this weekend, they will help.