I know i promised to finish the story, I just can't right now. So..that being said, off to another blabbering moment (c'mon really, that is what this is for right?).
I have lost so much in my life that at each New Year I promise myself it will be different...this year. But guess what, it never really is. Don't get me wrong, there have been moments, when I thought "this is it, new year, new me". Newsflash, I am always wrong. I am always the same me. Well, not quite the same me. I am the wanna be me. Do you know what I mean? It's like I know what kinda person I wanna be, I feel like I know how to get there, but I never do. I end up being a loser, over and over again. Yep, loser.
I used to have the kind of New Year's celebration where I knew I would accomplish my goals. I don't have those anymore. Is it because I am older? Is it because I don't expect to accomplish goals? What the fuck is it???? I mean seriously, what the fuck is it???
I want to feel young and invincible again. Does that really go away completely? I am guessing yes. At least right now I am guessing yes. Tomorrow, I hope that the young, invincible me makes an appearance.
Hmmm, young me still not here. So, I am forced to deal with 40 year old me. I don't like 40 year old me. I like 30 year old me. She was cool. She could do anything. 30 year old me could accomplish all of her goals, I never doubted her. She was pretty fucking hot. If 30 year old me could not accomplish all that she wished for, she was so cool, that she knew she would do it next year. Well, it is next year times 10. I still like 30 year old me better and she was way more confident.
I guess we both know that 30 year old me will not be back (sad isn't it?). So what can I truly expect from 40 year old me? Let's take it easy on the old gal...My 40 year old resolutions are to not eat gravy from the pan; wear something besides sweatpants (gonna be hard); keep my roots colored so the gray doesn't show; clean the dishes after every meal (I know I won't do this); as long as I am at it, walk a mile a day (it's all the same bullshit, right?) I am really getting crazy now...back to something attainable...put full makeup on once a week. There, that is it. It is the best I can hope for.
I hate to think about 41 year old me.
Malicious Extrapolation
9 years ago
Posts
As a 40+ women, I find aging one of the hardest things to deal with. And there is no information or help made available to us. No guidance. I keep assuming one day I'll wake up and be alright with the new (old) me; hasn't happened yet. It would help if we could identify new ways of classifing ourselves. So, we're not "hot" anymore. What the hell are we?
ReplyDeleteI think the young "cool" me did come back to a certain extent at 50. Suddenly you are a member of the over 50 club and you just don't care that you have cellulite (what the hell, at 50 you are ENTITLED to a little cellulite. You have earned it and are going to enjoy every dimple of it!)
ReplyDeleteThe impending sense of the end of life, ok being dramatic, but it moves so fast, makes you look at life in a whole new way.
So have faith, we might not be "hot" young ones anymore, but we are certainly "hip" old ones. Look at the 50 year old (and older) women walking around looking like we always have in current clothes and hairstyles, and you suddenly realize you DO have a clue about what life is about and wouldn't want to be 30 again for anything.
oh yeh, and a good relationship with a plastic surgeon is a really good thing. Can we say Restylane is my friend!! LOL
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