Control...My Friend/My Enemy

I am a fan of Dr. Phil's (please hold the laughter). Today the topic was control. That hits home, just a tad. I have given a lot of thought to my personality, quirks, bloodline and the just plain "it is what it is" category. Control is something I used to have. I see now that it was a survival mechanism, used because my previous experiences giving up control did not turn out well. Anytime I would give up control in the past something bad would happen, no need to elaborate, just know that is true.

Then I started thinking about the years that I felt like I had control. Well, those were not that great either. So I was left with a mystery. Why is that when I take control things are not much better than when I release control? I know the answer.

Because I never truly released control. When you succumb to control, let it go. Sometimes, not always mind you, but sometimes, you will learn something about yourself. I am in that place. I have released control of a portion, not all, but a portion of my personality. And damn glad I did. I am in such a happy place it is almost vulgar to discuss it. No one ever wants to hear how happy you are, they always want to hear how unhappy you are....admit it, you do lol.

Anyway, back to happiness. It has happened for me, at least for the time being, with a revelation that I don't have to be perfect. I can make mistakes just like everybody else does. I can fall short of a lot of things, and trust me I do. But in the end, the question is, did I do some good today? Lately, the answer has always been yes. There is not another time in my life that statement is true.

In order to make that answer yes, I had to step waaaay out of my comfort zone. I had to put money, fame and fortune on the back burner, perhaps not even on the radar. You may not have connected the dots yet, but that means giving up control of your own goals and...ready for it...get ready...focusing on someone else's. I always thought that by focusing on my children I was doing that very thing. Not true, that is only focusing on an extension of you.

I can only imagine how this is coming across to some of you. Those that have known me for years are scratching your heads wondering if you know me anymore, you probably don't. Those that know me only through this medium probably don't get what a huge revelation this is. Trust me, I have been the most selfish person you have ever met. I have also been a giving a person, when I had it to give. There is nothing wrong with self preservation, it's a god given instinct, or evolutionary instinct, whichever you prefer. So I see nothing wrong with looking out for oneself and family.

I'm only saying that, even if it's passing, I have found some true happiness. And it comes from doing for other people; forgetting about yourself; and saving your tears for the deserving. Ahhhh, yes.... not everyone deserves your energy. You only have so much to give. I have found that if I expend it on those I believe really deserve my personal gifts, I am happy. There are those people that will suck you dry. Suck every ounce of your goodness out for no other reason than they don't have enough goodness on their own. Beware of those people, they don't deserve your energies.

It's up to you who deserves and who doesn't. There are many degrees of sadness, loneliness and general distess. Decide who deserves and what you have to give and go from there.

I promise you won't be disappointed. At first, you will question what you are doing, then you will feel it...love and gratitude. The lifeblood of happiness. At least as far as I know at 40 years old...that's the key to my newfound happiness. Focus outside your comfort zone, do something you are completely uncomfortable doing. Challenge yourself.

I dare you to find some happiness, give up control, if only in one area of your life. Try it once a week for a month, let me know if I'm wrong....