I mentioned to someone the other day that I had had my fair share of men. It got me to thinking. I may have had my fair share of men, but I don't think I have had my fair share of good men. I started reminiscing about all the significant men that have been in my life romantically. I came up with about 8 (I'm sure if I had thought longer and harder I would have added and or subtracted from the list).
At any rate, here is the conclusion that I came to. Out of 8 significant relationships, I don't regret not being with any of them. You know how men and women alike always have at least one relationship they wonder "what if" about? I don't have one of those. I know that each relationship was never meant to be my lifetime relationship. I got some good and some bad out of each and every one of them, just never got the life partner vibe. I came close a couple of times.
All of this thinking made me wonder if it is me. Is there something about me that is noncommittal? I don't think so. I would commit with the right person for me. Then it hit me. I have not had my fair share of good men.
I have had the playboys and the bad boys. The arrogant rich man and the poor man with the chip on his shoulder. Then another revelation, I have also been all of those things. Ouch.
I definitely got what I asked for. I think I'm gonna ask for something new next time.
Malicious Extrapolation
9 years ago
Posts
I think you are being honest and not honest with yourself. You non-commital,you think? Is the pope catholic!
ReplyDeleteMaybe now, at this point in your life, after what you've been thru that might have changed. However, what you don't have always seems more desirable than when you are really faced with it. But then it always has been, has it not?
Not everyone is meant to be with someone forever. Nothing wrong with that. Some folks are to independant, scarred, scared of abandonment. whatever the reason doesn't matter.
I've had 5 significant relationships in my life. 1 abusive, 1 rebound, 1 I thought would be forever, 1 might actually be, in our own, convuluted on, off way!
btw, I am not sure "good" and "man" can co-exist.
When you're a gator, you have to stop and look at how you are setting yourself up to fail in relationships. Unknowingly, we all carry out the same senario over and over again when it comes to men.
ReplyDeleteFor me, I would find men who would consider me second class. Oh, they'd be nice and the sex was usually pretty good. But my opion didn't matter in anything. I was suppose to stay home and look pretty -- not object to anything.
Even both my sisters had their own "thing" that kept leading them into one disasterous relationship after another. One never got over it and it ultimately led her to take her life.
The other, finally realized what I kept trying to tell her was true. She would find a good guy and when things began to feel to comfortable, to normal, she would start self-destructing.
After all, we didn't have normal relationships to watch and learn from as children. It's just like raising your children DIFFERENT than you were. You have to put forth the effort to see what you are doing wrong (even if it's only your choice in men) and CHANGE it.
Also, remember long term is boring. There is no doubt about it. It's comfortable. Lots of work. But it's rewarding to a level it's hard to describe. You actually grow into each other and become part of the same unit. Definatelly worth pursuing.
I agree that if you really want something you have to look at your life and make a concious effort to change it.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I never thought it was worth it, preferring to be happy with who I am and make a life that centers around me (yes, I know that is horribly self-centered, but so be it. If someone is going to change it should be to be a better person, not so they can find someone to be in a long term relationship with.