Today, the first thing I saw at work was the coroner taking a body from the facility. Literally, the first thing I saw. I opened the door and there they were. It struck me particularly hard today as I received a phone call last night telling me that a friend of mine had attempted suicide and was in the hospital. He is 53 years old and has a history of depression.
I am having a flood of random thoughts and am finding it difficult to make sense of them all. Besides my friend's attempt, I had a cousin that did commit suicide fall of 2008. And along with many other people in this world it is something that has crossed my mind when I am deep in the "weeds" ( see the post titled "The Weeds"). To be clear, I do not want to commit suicide, only had fleeting thoughts when in my darkest moments. I think everyone at the very least has thought about it once.
What both my cousin's suicide and my friends attempt has given me is an up close and personal view of the families that are left to suffer. At first I think, what a selfish thing to do, to leave your loved ones to suffer like that. But then another thought hit me. I think it is probably that the pain is so intense they will do anything to stop it. Maybe they think that the family will suffer for a little while but compared to the pain they feel it seems minute. I am sure a lot of the time they may even think the family is better without them.
I suppose my message today is for the families. It's ok and understandable to be angry. It is not up to you to understand why they did it, even if you think you know, that's probably not the reason. Even if they tell you why, that is probably not the reason. I guess I say this trying to comfort myself...
The reason he gave is me.
Malicious Extrapolation
9 years ago
Posts
Do not take it to heart. The very fact they are about to committ suicide is that they are all messed up; they are not thinking rationally.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is also very common for them to blame others. To see 'someone' as haven driving them to it. It's seldom true. No one can make another person suffere genunine depression.
It is a medical condition. You were simply his excuse.
I'm glad it was only an attempt. I am sorry he tried to push the responsiblity for his actions onto you.
You are the reason of a lot of good things: your kids, the smiles you get at work, my belief I can do anything (lol). So much more. If you can't get your mind of "his reason", just remember the other reasons too.
As a person who suffers from bi-polar and as a teen had 2 suicide attempts and more than once thought of it as an adult before I accepted that this is my life and I can live with it or die, and I am not ready to die, I feel this is a subject quite personal to me.
ReplyDeleteA person who is truly despondent enough to commit suicide rarely does it because of someone "driving them to it". That is a person stupid enough to think they are making a statement, who probably has no intention of actually going thru with the dying part of it. The truly suicidal will never talk about it and they are so far down that they are not cabable of blaming anything or anyone, they just want to escape the pain of living.
They will not be caught in the process of the attempt and they won't call anyone to tell them they are doing it. That person will choose a way that is no return.
They are not thinking of the impact on others, quite frankly at that point, a person isn't thinking of anything other than being done. And many times suicide isn't intentional. Sometimes people self medicate to the point where they accidentaly overdose trying to escape the pain.
While it hurts those around them, if the people around them are sensitive to what that person is truly going thru, they would see the signs and be there for that person before it gets to that point. It is easy to shy away from depression and feel like the person needs to just buck up and straighten themselves out. Rarely is it possible at that point, without help,
The big thing to remember is if someone really wants to die, they are not going to discuss it with anyone, they are going to do it and they will be successful.
If they want attention and need help, they will "attempt" suicide or tell you they are going to, hoping someone will step in and help them to cope with their pain. That persons pain should not be ignored, no matter why they are saying they are going to do it. They need a professional to help them deal with the emotions and life.
There is also a certain type of person who is stupid enough to think that if they hurt themselves they will hurt others around them. Once again that person needs professional help because no one is worth hurting yourself to get "back at". And quite honestly is someone whose logic is "If I kill myself you'll really be sorry" not someone who has some major issues and needs help to think thru the ramifications to themselves with that action??