Ego and Poker....Synonymous

Why on God's green earth can't people (and by people I mainly mean men) admit when they don't know something? As I have discussed many times, I am an avid online poker player. There are some "tricks" some things that not everyone knows about the program or the game. But god forbid they admit it! I have played over 4000 games online that are "registered"....ask me if I know what I am doing lol...

I have played at "real"casinos. I live 20 minutes from Council Bluffs, IA (look it up, trust me there are plenty of casinos there). I have been to Las Vegas no less than 5 times in my 40 years and spent (god I hate to admit this) 16 hours at one table, in one chair playing blackjack once upon a time. Not to mention the poker games for cash I have been in local and otherwise.

Let's just say, I am a "seasoned" poker player since the age of 18.

I am not overly proud of the fact that I know a lot about poker, but let's face it, I do. Therefore, when I play someone online that has, let's say, 800 games, I'm not that impressed. Online is different than " real life" there are nuances to the game that are not there in live poker. My name online name is TXGAL (texas gal for the illiterate). I get a lot of "sweetie" girlie" and "sugar" comments. It infuritates me. In response I will ask the "offender" if they know certain things about the online program. Invariably they do not. At the end of my "training session" I say to them...."Better get a few thousand more games before you refer to me as girlie again( or whatever the infraction)."

There are two sides to this; I am training my opponent to beat me in a sense, by giving them the tricks of the trade (they would learn anyway, given enough time). I am displaying my knowledge that they do not possess therefore eradicating the "girlie" syndrome.

In the end, it's all still about my ego. I have got to learn to get passed this. I know that I shouldn't display my knowledge. I just can't help it. I want them to know they are but the grasshopper in my master's world. Crude and egotistical I know, but I get something out of it. I get a sense of satisfaction. Trivial as that satisfaction may be, self sabotaging as it may be; I still won money off that asshole tonight.

There, there you have it. I am still a self celebratory ass myself. Anyone feel better knowing that I am not a saint?

Control...My Friend/My Enemy

I am a fan of Dr. Phil's (please hold the laughter). Today the topic was control. That hits home, just a tad. I have given a lot of thought to my personality, quirks, bloodline and the just plain "it is what it is" category. Control is something I used to have. I see now that it was a survival mechanism, used because my previous experiences giving up control did not turn out well. Anytime I would give up control in the past something bad would happen, no need to elaborate, just know that is true.

Then I started thinking about the years that I felt like I had control. Well, those were not that great either. So I was left with a mystery. Why is that when I take control things are not much better than when I release control? I know the answer.

Because I never truly released control. When you succumb to control, let it go. Sometimes, not always mind you, but sometimes, you will learn something about yourself. I am in that place. I have released control of a portion, not all, but a portion of my personality. And damn glad I did. I am in such a happy place it is almost vulgar to discuss it. No one ever wants to hear how happy you are, they always want to hear how unhappy you are....admit it, you do lol.

Anyway, back to happiness. It has happened for me, at least for the time being, with a revelation that I don't have to be perfect. I can make mistakes just like everybody else does. I can fall short of a lot of things, and trust me I do. But in the end, the question is, did I do some good today? Lately, the answer has always been yes. There is not another time in my life that statement is true.

In order to make that answer yes, I had to step waaaay out of my comfort zone. I had to put money, fame and fortune on the back burner, perhaps not even on the radar. You may not have connected the dots yet, but that means giving up control of your own goals and...ready for it...get ready...focusing on someone else's. I always thought that by focusing on my children I was doing that very thing. Not true, that is only focusing on an extension of you.

I can only imagine how this is coming across to some of you. Those that have known me for years are scratching your heads wondering if you know me anymore, you probably don't. Those that know me only through this medium probably don't get what a huge revelation this is. Trust me, I have been the most selfish person you have ever met. I have also been a giving a person, when I had it to give. There is nothing wrong with self preservation, it's a god given instinct, or evolutionary instinct, whichever you prefer. So I see nothing wrong with looking out for oneself and family.

I'm only saying that, even if it's passing, I have found some true happiness. And it comes from doing for other people; forgetting about yourself; and saving your tears for the deserving. Ahhhh, yes.... not everyone deserves your energy. You only have so much to give. I have found that if I expend it on those I believe really deserve my personal gifts, I am happy. There are those people that will suck you dry. Suck every ounce of your goodness out for no other reason than they don't have enough goodness on their own. Beware of those people, they don't deserve your energies.

It's up to you who deserves and who doesn't. There are many degrees of sadness, loneliness and general distess. Decide who deserves and what you have to give and go from there.

I promise you won't be disappointed. At first, you will question what you are doing, then you will feel it...love and gratitude. The lifeblood of happiness. At least as far as I know at 40 years old...that's the key to my newfound happiness. Focus outside your comfort zone, do something you are completely uncomfortable doing. Challenge yourself.

I dare you to find some happiness, give up control, if only in one area of your life. Try it once a week for a month, let me know if I'm wrong....

No Facebook for Me...Yet

Another one down...another friend/relative joined facebook. I just can't bring myself to do it. I often get requests from people I know saying they have added me to their facebook. I never accept. There is something about letting everybody in the free world know where you are that just doesn't sit right with me.

There are people I never want to speak to again. To me if I had facebook it's like saying "Ok, I'm fair game, bring on all the looney tune people that I once 86'd from my world". Is there a way to keep all those people from finding you? A specific block that says "press here to avoid all looney tune people".

I can think of about 20 right off the top of my head. Then there are the dreaded high school people...OMG, I can only imagine what a reunion with some of those people would be like. I have heard enough stories about the majority of them that I certainly don't feel the need to have a complete and full update on them, let alone have them contact me...super scary. And don't forget all the family members that I have carefully avoided for years.

Maybe most people on facebook don't have my colorful past. Yes, colorful, that's a good word for it. Basically grew up in a town full of what might be referred to as trailer trash, yes even me, especially me. Why would I ever want to reconnect to the life I have tried so hard to stay far away from?

That's like standing in the soup line after you have a job that pays $75,000 a year, why would you want to?

Well at any rate, I won't be joining facebook anytime soon...

Lori's Day Off

Today is my day off. I had the whole day planned out beautifully. I was going to get up, shower apply a reasonable amount of makeup, pile my hair up and dress cutely for a day of shoe and flower shopping. The shoes for work, the flowers for the back patio and pool area.

My actual day went like this: I got up and found that my daughter took the vehicle to school, so Im stuck here until she gets out of school. I can't prepare the evening meal ahead of time because I am out of milk and no vehicle to get to the store. Then, daughter comes home early from school due to be disciplined at school ( huge no no in my house!). So now I am pissed. I put her to work in the house, ground her etc. Get the patio table and chairs outdoors, begin to clean away the debris of broken limbs etc from the winter's damage. Decide to go to the flower mart and purchase the flowers for outdoors. It is beautiful outside, about 85 degrees, sunny, I am so ready for summer. While at the flower mart I overhear a conversation about the weather. It is supposed to rain and hail later today. Scratch the flower purchases, they will only be ruined. I opt to purchase one plant, the one that will go on the table ( I can look at it indoors). No time for the serious shoe shopping that I need to do so now my feet and back will continue to hurt until my next opportunity to shop.

Next, I also went to purchase milk while out at the flower mart so that I may prepare a lovely dinner. After scratching the plans to complete the patio, due to the expected rain and hail, I now decide to focus on a grand meal. Father of children drops son off from school, son has McDonalds. No use preparing a grand meal for a daughter that is in trouble, a son that is eating McDonalds and I'm now too pissed to be hungry.

It's only 4:30 p.m. maybe I can salvage this day. I'm gonna watch Judge Judy and the news. Then if there is no rain or hail, I will still attack the patio. It would feel good to complete at least one of my goals for the day.

Wonder if the dogs are in the mood for my Supreme Chicken recipe?

So your mom knows you look at porn huh?

As a child or teenager did you ever do anything so embarassing in front of your parents that to this day you still remember it well? I'm pretty sure my youngest son just had his "moment"...

I have a habit of keeping my computer on the bar in the kitchen. My son has a habit of taking the computer to his room. Today I asked him to bring me the computer. As he is carrying it downstairs to the kitchen he is telling me that he has been checking online about the Bulls playoff game and updating his business. Then he hands me the computer. On the computer is a picture of a very sexy brunette with huge breasts bulging from a tiny swimsuit top. So...I say..."and apparently also looking at pornography". He says a very small "yes" exits out of the program and begins to walk away. My parting comment was "pretty girl".( Oh yeah, one other thing, his older sister was also in the room. When he walked away I thought I would have to recussitate her from laughing so hard.)

I did yell up to him when I was finished with the computer moments after he gave it to me to tell him he could use it and also asked him if he knew how to erase the history of sites he visits. He yelled back "no" I told him I would show him how.

It is now 9 p.m.; all of this happened about 4:30 p.m.; still no sign of him. I'm guessing a case of "OH MY FREAKIN GOD MY MOM SAW THAT I LOOK AT PORN" syndrome is going on here. I will talk to him tomorrow when I pick him up from school. Tell him again that sex is nothing to be ashamed of and liking beautiful women is nothing to be ashamed of...

Just learn how to close the program before handing your mom the computer!

An Elusive Emotion

I felt something today that has eluded me for a very long time. The term is not often used by most people because I don't think it is an emotion that is often felt. The term is joy. I felt real joy today. I was driving home from a nice day at work where everything just seemed to click; thinking about my new job and the possibilities. The sun was shining, no strong winds and a very nice 77 degrees.

Nothing was irritating me or worrying me, how rare that has been in the last several years. I started to envision my future and it looked good, really good. Absolutely positively no negative thoughts whatsoever.

Websters definition of joy is exactly what I am feeling: 1 a: the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires...pretty cool huh?

If you have ever been extremely, and I don't use the term lightly, depressed, then you know how desperate you can feel. There were times in the last year that I thought I would never feel joy, I'm certain the word never even came to mind. How fabulous it feels to not feel that way anymore.

If you are someone that suffers with desperate feelings, just remember that any given Tuesday it can all change. And oh what joy when it does!

Chosen

Remember that resume'? Well, I gotta a call today that asked if I was ready to take over for one facility (remember have to manage one facility for about a year then possibility of managing 6-8 of the facilities). Of course I said yes! In that year I will also have to complete the dietary manager certification course and anything I do above that is only the better.

So in a nutshell, I am still going to school but for a different purpose. Now I will be focused on the dietary needs of the resident; we will see where all this eventually ends up.

Maybe my new job fantasy can be the Rachael Ray for the elderly! I see it...my cooking program would air right after "Mass for the Shutins"...or if I'm really lucky I could team up with "60 Minutes" I hear they have an older audience. Now I have to think of a name for it... "Puree Pleasures"? ( I crack myself up LOL)

It feels good to be chosen...

"Dear John" from Steven

I got a "Dear John" letter from a reader of the blog. He says he has found someone and thanked me for "being there" for him. But said that since he has found someone that he will no longer be contacting me. He noted specifically some things that I have said that helped him. Then he wished me all God's best etc...

What a nice guy. He completely renewed my faith in men. I have had men that I really dated not send me such a nice email!

Good luck to Steven and the lucky lady!

Smoking Hot Woman; So 1960's

There is a show on AMC that I just love, 2 shows actually, Breaking Bad and Mad Men. But the show Mad Men really captures my attention because it is about ad executives in the early 1960's. There are things about the time period that I love, and some not so much, other things I am flabbergasted about.

For instance, I was flabbergasted to see a time period where you left your trash on the grass when you went for a picnic or camping. I was born in 1968, in my lifetime the "indian that cried" about "keeping america beautiful" became popular. I'm a smoker (yes, still) but to be reminded of how many people actually smoked and that there was no place it was not accepted (including hospitals) is amazing to me. I do remember being able to smoke on an airplane, bus and at work (wow, I am getting old).

But the one thing I really like about the time period, women were very womanly. I know, I know, women were not taken seriously in the workplace etc. However, being glamorous was part of your everyday world. I happen to really enjoy being a woman. The early '60's highlights the over the top fashion of the time period, literally vacuuming with pearls on. High heels were an everyday thing, as was "hiding the magic" as I call it. You woke up, put your face on and had breakfast ready all by 7:00 a.m. Say what you will, I like that part of being a woman. Don't get me wrong, remember I am the one that loves to fish and camp, not much makeup and glamour to all of that. But, I miss the dresses and high heels that were common place at the grocery store.

Long hair piled high into intricate hair do's, pantyhose with a seam in the back...it just makes you feel good to be a woman. The 1980's had an element of this, but we were too much into the "man suit" look to really be womanly. Not since the time period of the early 1960's have women been so feminine.

I think I'll do my nails...I feel like being a smoking hot woman.

Follow the Carrot

My cousin recently gave me the best compliment I could possibly receive at this time in my life. She remarked that I seemed much stronger and decisive than just a few months ago. She could have thought for a hundred years and not come up with a better compliment than that.

I have struggled emotionally in the last year to the depths that I do not wish to revisit. However, in the last couple of months I do feel stronger, more confident and decisive. I am reclaiming my mojo (odd phrase, mojo).

I still have a lot of things that I need to improve, not ready to share what they are just yet and not sure it would do any good if I did. But, I will tell you that they are not earth shattering things. It just seems that the goals I have are hard to attain...but then again, they all seem that way don't they? It doesn't matter what you are working toward there is always a time when you feel like the donkey on the "carousel" (I'm sure there is a better word than this for it). You know what I mean though, tie the donkey to the carousel and dangle a carrot in front of him so that he will continue to walk and cause the carousel to go 'round and 'round.

I feel that way sometimes, like I am just going 'round and 'round and never reaching the desired destination. However, I have to remind myself that I am not tied to a carousel. I don't just go 'round and 'round, I actually make progress. It is not always measureable, but if you keep going one day you find that you are in a different place, hopefully the desired place.

I keep remembering a time in my life that within 2 years I became exactly who I wanted to be then. Back then, I didn't have a time frame in mind, I do now. I wonder if the time frame will make a difference in my ability to achieve? Will I exceed what I hope? or will I fall short?or will I get it just right?

I would settle for just right. Time to follow the carrot...

"Im just being honest"...

I love when people say,"Im just being honest". That is not what they are doing when they tell you they dont like your outfit, shoes or boyfriend. What they are doing is giving their opinion. There is a huge difference in being honest and giving an opinion. An opinion is just that, yours. It actually has nothing whatsoever to do with honesty or truth. Now, you can give your honest opinion, but it still doesn't make the opinion worth considering.

The only opinion worth considering is one that you have asked for. If you have asked for the opinion it means you value the source that the opinion comes from. The worst kind of opinion is one that has not been solicited. Why does the opinion giver think you care what they think? If you wanted their opinion you would ask for it. Which begs the question; what makes the chronic "opinion giver" tick?

Is it because they believe they possess some incredible knowledge that no one else is privy to? Really now, out of billions of people do they really think they know more than everyone else? Maybe they truly do believe they are providing a service to the world.

Im guessing it is a lonely lifestyle to be a chronic opinion giver. If you happen to be on the receiving end of the chronic opinion giver, it's exhausting to pretend to be glad they shared their opinion with you once more... and again, and again.

On the other hand, an open discussion, with an open mind is a totally different ballgame. It involves an exchange of intelligent, thoughtful ideas. This is what is missing with the chronic opinion giver, they rarely have an open mind (their way is right, trust them on that).

Anyway, that's my view, ok call it an opinion on the chronic opinion giver lol....

I'm Curious About You Too

Has it occurred to anyone else that I am having my personal therapy recorded for all time in this blog? I must need therapy, what kind of nutcase would display their life for the world to see? Well, not exactly the whole world reading this, there are about 130 of you a day that tune in to see what I have screwed up today, and not exactly my whole life. At any rate, I have shared a lot of personal information on this site, most of it probably not very flattering. It would defeat the purpose if I only wrote flowery things about myself and my world (plus it would be harder to lie that much lol).

But a weird thing happened when I started keeping track of the visitors to the site, I got self conscious.

There are only a handful of you that post comments in the comment section, then there are about 20 of you that email me or IM me your thoughts on a regular basis. I have no idea who the rest of you are.

It makes me wonder if people are reading this and saying "oh thank god I'm not her"...wouldn't blame you if you did. I guess what is important for me is that sharing my crazy, screwed up world and thought patterns does seem to help. It might be the relative anonymity of it all, although I should really make up a name and put someone else's face up on this page if I want true anonymity (I didn't think this through very well LOL).

I guess this is my official warning...I am gonna have to lose the self conscious thing if I am to continue to benefit from all of this public sharing. Once upon a time, maybe 5 people were reading this, and I knew them well. As for the rest of you, I guess by now you kinda know me too.

I'm curious about you too. If the mood strikes you, post a comment and share something about you, you can do that completely anonymously.

Let it Happen

Here is an update on my friend that lost her job. Her husband makes about $200,000 a year, so, no, I didn't feel that sorry for her when she lost her job. She lives in a very nice home, drives a very nice vehicle and wears nice clothes and can afford an Ivy League school for her child. She is in no danger of losing any of the above. The worst that could happen, she will have to fire the housekeeper and clean her own floors. ( I feel sorry for the housekeeper.)

Her job was a professional sales person in the mortgage industry. As you are probably aware that field has pretty much run it's course lately. In order to find another job like the one she had...gonna be tough, if not impossible.

However, all of the above does not keep her from the feeling of failure. Even though I don't feel sorry for her in the sense that she will not lose her home etc. I do feel for her in the sense that she has lost her sense of identity. Her job has defined her for several years, as mine did me. I am sure a lot of you that have worked in the same field for many years and now find yourselves displaced can relate. Initially it sucks to redefine yourself. But then something else takes over...

Hope.

Hope and new possibilities, it depends on the person and your circumstances as to how long it will take you. For me, it took about a year. For her, it won't take so long. But the realization that she will have to redefine herself will be brutal, it always is isn't it? It takes a while to become comfortable in any new role you assume, but a new route which you may not have chosen... ouch. It's hard, make no mistake about it.

But here is what I say to her and all of you that find yourself in this situation...this too shall pass. When the feeling of failure passes and you realize it is really a new opportunity to redefine yourself in a new and better way, you will embrace the possibilities. It does not happen overnight, but it does happen.

Either you wake up one morning with a new vision and new hope, or it just "falls in your lap". However it happens, a new you sprouts. Full of new promise and new hopes.

It feels good to be new. Let it happen...

Murder Case Update II

Sounds as if the 16 year old boy, my daughter's friend, is having his charges reduced. From what I understand, that seems appropriate. From what I gather he gave a ride to the murderer at the request of the sister (his and my daughter's friend..sister to the accused and daughter to the deceased). However, the ride must have been enough to charge him with accessory to begin with. I am also under the assumption that the 16 year old boy and the sister were present at the home, albeit outdoors, when the murder took place. They knew there was a fight, but not a murder.

At any rate, he called today from the juvenile correctional facility. She was so happy to talk to him. She has been worried sick about what he must be going through. I have to admit, I have been thinking about him and his parents as well. I cannot imagine being in their shoes. The worry must be all consuming.

This has also been a good life lesson on how our legal system works. They charge you with everything, hoping that something will stick. It's also a good reminder to remember that people are innocent until proven guilty, and yes there are different degrees of guilt.

Next time you are watching the news and see a story that reminds you of this, keep in mind, you don't have all the facts, and they charge you with the most they can hoping something will stick. The media doesn't really help either. It appears they are withholding information from the parents in all of this. The media can tell the world, but not the parents...odd how all of this works.

Just a tough situation for all.

Do you "get me"?

I have a "friend" that is comedically challenged. As I view myself as a humorous person, it has been very difficult to be friends with her because she takes everything so literally. It is impossible to exaggerate for the benefit of levity. For instance, if I said something along the lines of..."I am so broke I can't afford a pot to piss in". She would offer her toilet and tell me I should manage my money better. Get the picture? But she wouldn't stop there. She would also tell me how her being frugal allows her to maintain her pot and that I am getting my just rewards for living so extravagantly. It is just annoying.

She also has a problem with seeing the whole picture. She may have some learning disability that I am not aware of but, she honestly cannot read my blog without coming away with a totally different message than was intended. I think I am pretty clear, at least most of the time with the message I am trying to convey. I have a reasonable command of the english language, and yet, still she never seems to "get it".

On the other hand, I have a cousin that reads often and comments regularly. She always seems to "get me". I read her blog and I believe that I "get her".

Is it just that it takes a certain type of person to "get me"? Do you have to be of the same blood line as me?

I think it's more likely that my "friend" just looks for faults in me and everyone else she meets.

I wonder if she "got" this post?

Murder Case Update

The murder case continues...my daughter has 3 "best" friends. One of them was booked yesterday as an accomplice to murder, he is 16 years old. I know him pretty well. Of course I don't know all of the details, but here is what I do know. He is a good kid with a dysfunctional family. The family doesn't really play a role in this except for the fact that he has little to no supervision. He is a pretty good kid that finds himself in the middle of a lot of bad things. He is now being charged as an adult in this case.

My daughter is so distraught, now two of her best friends have had serious things happen in their lives in the past week. One of them lost her father to her brother's hand (remember, because the father was sleeping with the son's girlfriend). The second friend is now in jail being held on $500,000 bond as an accessory. It is all so sad.

This is the kind of thing you never think will happen so close to your family, let alone being a 16 year old girl and your friends having devastating things happen to them. I have heard the tale of what happened, how much I haven't heard is now the issue with her friend that was just arrested.

At any rate, this is one of those times when it is hard to know how to comfort your child. I feel so badly for the families involved in all of this. Seems to me it could have been avoided if one father had enough love for his son not to sleep with that son's girlfriend.

By the way, my daughter tells me the girlfriend is pregnant...nice legacy for yet another generation to come.

Need a new fantasy

I used to fantasize about being a motivational speaker. There were a couple of problems with the fantasy. First, I freeze up speaking in front of more than 50 people, it's like I need an iron lung or something. I gasp and choke and can barely breathe...not so good for motivational speaking. Second, no one would believe my backstory so they would probably find it hard to believe in anything I said...not so good for motivational speaking.

Have you ever been to hear a motivational speaker? I never missed a Zig Ziglar speech in my area. I bought all the books, audio cassettes, you name it( to this day a prized possession is an autographed copy of "Over The Top"). I would pay $300 or $400 to attend an all day motivational seminar. These seminars were my refueling to ensure that I stayed in front of the rat race. It worked too, I could sell my ass off. The crowds at these seminars were very much like me, professional sales people mainly, with big houses and fancy cars and clothes. We would all acknowledge one another with that slight nod of the head and half wink. At lunch we would compare careers, neighborhoods and restaurant choices. Ahhh, those were good times...

I was revisiting this fantasy the other day. I was picturing the crowd of 2009. People out of work, once with big paychecks and living the american dream. A 401k that is now a 201k. Health insurance recently cancelled and just found out that the wife is pregnant. Car that has a constant "service engine" light on. A dinner table with a lot of pasta, potatoes or casseroles on it.

I need to update that fantasy, motivational speaker is 1990's. The new term should be survival coach, only no one could afford to attend...

Need a new job fantasy.

Family Affair; A Murder

You want a weird story? I got your weird story. My 16 year old daughter has been telling a tale of the father of one of her friends sleeping with his son's girlfriend. Her friend is the 16 year old daughter of the father, the son is 19.

Tonight on the news, I see that the father has been killed by the son! My daughter's friend (the daughter to the father that was killed) and another friend of my daughter's are now being questioned by homicide. The two kids evidently gave a ride to the son that was the killer.

Confused yet?

My thought at this point is...how disgusting of the father to be sleeping with the son's girlfriend in the first place. Now the father is dead, the son has to potentially live the rest of his life in prison, the girlfriend (age 20) will have a lifetime of guilt, and the rest of the family is in utter turmoil. All because the father could not act like a father and not boink the son's girlfriend. GROSS!

I'm not saying the father deserved to die. What I am saying is the father needed to put his children first. This is what happens when selfish behavior and lack of your children's feelings takes hold. Did the father expect the son to just accept that he was sleeping with his girlfriend? Seriously.

I'll keep you updated on this super sad "family affair".

It's Spring for God's Sake!

Remember a couple of months ago when I was bragging and posting photos about the lovely snow? Well, I knew this day would come. It snowed again, and it sucks. It's April 5th for god's sake!

Now keep in mind that last Wednesday and Thursday it was a balmy 60 degrees, sunshine and all was right with the world because Spring had arrived. Now it is frigid and snowy. Oh yes, this morning it was beautiful with the snow on the branches, beautiful if it was February! Then, oh and then, I thought it was hailing. Because the enormously strong winds began to blow the icicles into the glass door and windows. Oh how lovely! Strong winds carrying icicles, in freaking April!! This is supposed to be Spring! This is definitely the kind of weather where your mother does not let you go outside because "you could put your eye out".

My dogs even have icicles hanging from the long fur on their backsides, poor things. The wind is literally howling, moving the curtains on some of the windows. We have blizzard warnings 50 miles to both our north and south, so we are supposed to be feeling lucky!

Seriously, I'm so sick of this crap (now it's crap, 2 months ago it was god's wonder). I'm ready for flowers, warm drives with the windows down, and readying the pool for summer fun. It seems so far away today.

But never fear, this is Nebraska, I'll probably be mowing the yard this time next week!

I sent the resume'

Well, I sent the resume' today, now I keep hitting the refresh button over and over again to see if there is a reply. Here is the job description for the position that I have applied for:

To oversee 6-8 facilities; to plan all meals by taste preference and medical requirements per patient; to review recipes and implement new recipes ( I will need to be a certified dietician so schooling still needed) to maintain staff at all locations and to comply with all state and federal regulations. I would initially spend about a year at one facility to learn the way it operates and to have time to complete my certification. The company is a national company with tremendous growth, so after these kids graduate, I could transfer elsewhere.

In a nursing home, mealtimes are big highlights of the day. I think I could make their day a little brighter (have I mentioned I happen to be a very good cook? oh yeah I did lol). I think it would be fun and challenging to create menus for people that look forward to them; all the while able to use my management background and make a decent living.

Well, time to hit the refresh button again.

If you think you are too far gone, you probably are.

This week an unexpected career opportunity came to me. I don't yet know if it will actually result in anything but we will see. (the opportunity is not really what this post is about) I overheard a phone conversation a man was having about a position he needed to fill. I thought about it for a few minutes, then I approached him. I had a meeting with him that day, and I am to send him my resume' this week.

This could potentially lead me in a different direction than I have been planning. Still in health care services, but in the dietary sector. There was something that struck me about myself that day. I haven't done anything that aggressive in years. I used to do aggressive, proactive things damn near everyday. I might be "back". Back in the sense that my confidence is on the rise.

I remember once hearing someone say, "If you think you are too far gone, you probably are". It applied to me when I heard it then, it doesn't apply to me now.