I have often heard people remark of the moment they realized their parents were people and not some god like creature without flaws. For me personally, I am pretty sure this happened when I was about age 10. My mother was an extremely depressed person with an anger issue and so many other "issues" that I dare not try to recall them all now. However, the day I realized was when she could not find the handheld can opener.
She threw all of the drawers out of the cabinets and ranted and raved about where in the world did I put that particular can opener. My younger sister hid behind me shaking in a corner of the kitchen as I tried to protect her. My mother shook scissors in our direction with an "out of touch" look in her eyes and tone. This was such a defining moment, I am pretty sure I have mentioned it before. At any rate...
My daughter is having such a moment with her father (think she already had it with me). He is a flawed man as we are all flawed. Somehow it seems to strike differently with her when it comes to him. It is now that she is beginning to question if she can count on him in any circumstance. Unfortunately, the answer is no. Equally unfortunate is the fact that the topic could never be discussed with him as he is so proud that he dare not admit a flaw and certainly would not admit to hurting his children in any way.
But the truth is, he does hurt them. I won't divulge exactly how but is a behaviorial issue that he has had for as long as I have known him.
Just sad that he will probably never have the chance to rectify it...or worse, won't ever admit there is a problem in the first place.
Malicious Extrapolation
9 years ago
Posts
The most painful thing I'v ever done to my girls was not making a better choice for their father. Every time he disappoints or hurts them I feel responsible.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I have to remind myself; he has (or had) good points too. And half of my much loved girls are made from his DNA.
The best you can do is communicate openly with them about his faults and strengths. Express that faults do not make a person undeserving of love or affection. And teach them to protect themselves.
A person is never to old to need to see good in a parent . . . somewhere.