Mean Me

When did I get to be so mean? I need an emotional bailout.

Recently, a friend of mine lost her job. I was not unhappy. The thought occurred to me that now she knows how I feel. This is very unlike my 1990's self. What I mean by that is, I used to be genuinely concerned for you and wished you well. Now I wish that you have the same bad fortune as me.

"Welcome to the economic crisis" is what I wanted to say. I'll bet there are people that still think they are immune. Your time will come. This is no ordinary economic crisis. This affects us all...just takes longer for some than others.

There was a time when I would help people, now I can't help myself, and certainly can't help you. Something is lost in a person that has lost almost everything. That something is called charity. I don't think I have it anymore.

I have also lost a lot of my compassion. I used to cry with joy for the people on "Extreme Makeover; Home Edition". I don't watch it anymore. I don't watch it because no longer does one family seem worthy enough. There are too many families that are worthy. I can't cry for the family that gets the dream. I would now have to cry for all the families that didn't get the dream. It's too much crying...

I have always been a person that feels deeply for others. Now I am in a survival mode and it seems I only feel for myself and my family.

I hope one day the compassion comes back. I don't like mean me. The economic crisis has turned into an emotional crisis for me. I want someone to bail me out of my emotional crisis.

I want to feel badly for my friend that lost her job.