The Big Move

 I drove a 20ft U-haul pulling my car behind it and moved 3 states away. I got rid of all my belongings that I had outgrown or they had outgrown me (I don't see myself ever needing another pool table). After 3 weeks here, I still haven't fully unpacked or arranged the new house. But it feels like home...minus cable tv (that is for another post).

There are way too many emotions going on right now to put a clear thought together except for one...I'm damn glad I made the big move! I smiled the entire 7 hour drive!!

 I'm still smiling. Hell why not smile? I started a new life at 44.

Not bad, just different

I have spent the majority of the day cleaning house. I'm only doing this because my boyfriend is moving in next week and I thought it only fair that he move into a clean house. There is only one problem with this, it reminds me of how different my life will be from now on, not bad just different. Things like...

I think I will start putting the box of tampons under the bathroom sink instead of letting them sit on the floor next to the toilet. I feel the need to put a laundry hamper in the bedroom for dirty clothes instead of throwing them in a mountainous pile in the corner. Speaking of clothes, I better get rid of the ugly panties (but they are so darn comfy). Pretty sure I better wear at least a little bit of makeup on Sundays from here on out. I'm gonna have to wear my green facial mask while in the tub instead of running around the house looking like a halloween creature. When I do home hair color, am I really gonna have to stay in the bathroom for 40 minutes? That seems excessive. I better put a waste basket in the bedroom for Kleenex instead of letting them lie on my night stand.

Now this is only a partial list, things that come immediately to mind, not much thought at all. By the time he moves in I am sure I will have driven myself crazy with things I should do differently.

Oh hell, who am I kidding? Those changes will last about a month. I'm pretty set in my ways at this stage of my life. But I think I can put up with some of his naughty habits if he can put up with mine.

Grunts and Groans...ugh

Ok, I'm gonna admit something that few women admit to or even talk about...I enjoy watching porn with my boyfriend or even alone for that matter. I appreciate a good looking woman (Jillian Michaels from The Biggest Loser is the sexiest woman ever!). If I see an attractive man or woman, I look. The eyes can't help but notice beauty. I don't mind that my man finds women attractive and I don't mind if that same man looks at porn. Here is what I do mind...

I mind that sexual leering at a beautiful woman, comments about said woman as if I am one of the "guys", grunts, groans and flirting. These things I mind a lot! As a matter of fact, I mind it so much that I will break up with someone over it, and have. Here's why...

It makes me feel less important than that  random woman walking down the street or the sexy girl on the shampoo commercial. Is this insecurity or just demanding some respect?

As a younger woman I would have commented on this post and said something to the effect of "confidence is sexy, quit being so insecure". As an older woman I know that younger woman wants to appear cool, confident etc. In reality, her boyfriend has 100 examples of her extreme jealousy.

So, I have decided not to try to appear cool and confident about that type of behavior. No sir, it is not ok. I demand some self control and respect from my significant other. You know what this means though...

I'm gonna have to give that same respect. No more leering at the guy in the grocery store...

Period.

I wish, sometimes, that someone else was in charge of running my life. I am in a life changing moment ,well, not really it's just "that special time of the month" ..ooops did I really just share that? It's basically the same damn thing. We women get emotional and start questioning our lives...the choices that we have made and the ones we are about to make (yes men, we really do this every goddamn month!). Soooo, I suppose the title of this post should be something like...It's time for my period and are you good enough to stick with me through it?...or something like that. It is not just the men in my life that pay for "Aunt Flo"...in my world it is pretty much everyone.

So, in between tampon changes I thought I might send out a few apologies.

I am sorry to my boyfriend: god knows you probably deserve it except for the fact that you piss me off so much and make me feel insecure even though you have no idea you are doing it (even though you spend every waking moment telling me how much you love me). I am sorry to my staff (nope I take that back, y'all piss me off even when I am not having my period). I am sorry to the convenience store attendant that didn't have my kind of coffee ready this morning (nope, screw you it's your job to have it ready). Damn you everyone that does not praise the fact that I am earth...wow, I think I really mean it (at period time).

I hate  people for having human flaws when I am on my period!!! Period.

Don't Look Back, You're Not Going That Way!

Yes, yes I know, kinda predictable that I would post on New Year's Day. So, whether or not you give a shit, I'm gonna post my resolutions (i never stick to 'em anyway so who gives a fuck).

#1. Take 2 days off per week, preferably in a row: OMG let's face it, this might happen 4 times this year. Seriously. But dammit I am optimistic on January 1, 2013.

#2. Go back to school (again): Yep, yep this is a recurring theme. One of these days it is gonna say "finish school".

#3. Take control of my finances: Oh stop, please stop! I am laughing so hard I can barely catch my breath!!! BUT that doesn't mean it can't be a resolution...

I used to think that losing weight, quitting smoking were viable resolutions. Hell now I just want normal crap. Forget the size 6, won't ever see it again. Forget quitting smoking, not gonna happen without a doctor's note.

The best I can hope for on a realistic level....just be normal. C'mon even that's a stretch!!

Let's just resolve to not look back.

Happy New Year!