A New Service Needed for Residents...not my field

Ah yet another tale of the nursing home. Trust me that this is not one that will put you in a melancholy mood, at least I don't think so.

There is a business office at the nursing home that acts as a bank for residents. Either your own money or money your family wants you to have access to is deposited there. You can withdraw funds from 8-3 Monday thru Friday. Most residents don't have need for much money, unless they are big catalog shoppers, and some of the women are. But for the most part people use this money for special treats from the vending machine, cigarettes and the occasional group shopping trip to the mall ( I truly pity the person that takes them shopping).

I overheard one of the residents complaining about not being able to get his money out. It wasn't necessarily that I had to strain to hear him, he was quite vocal. So vocal in fact that the Executive Director was called to the business office to help with the situation as the male resident was beginning to scare the female banker. You need to know that the resident is about 80 years old, he wears black all the time and sings Johnny Cash songs. His wife has no desire to have him return home because of years of cheating on his part (let this be a lesson to you cheaters! your spouse will leave you in a nursing home!).

At any rate, the Executive Director asked the resident what the problem was. The resident responded that he wanted $50, which he did not have in his account(another lesson to cheaters, your spouse will leave you in a nursing home with less than $50!). He had tried to bargain with the "banker" for a loan. When the banker denied his request a string of obscenities began to fly from the resident and now he was trying to obtain the same $50 from the Director. Naturally the Director asked him what it was that was so important that he needed the $50 for...wait for it, wait for it.

"A hooker" replied the resident. Only a man could have thought of the question that the Director asked next, "What do you think you could get for $50 from a hooker?"

The classic reply " I'm 80, how long do you think it will take?"

Poor guy never did get his $50 or the hooker to go with it.