Selfish Fighter

 I take on challenges in the workplace that very few others would even think about taking on. I survived the separation from a child and the raising of another child that is quite possibly one  of the most difficult teenagers one could possibly imagine. I have survived the agony and humiliation of losing my dream home, a business and millions of dollars. I have survived 3 marriages and 3 divorces. I have survived being heartbroken by true love (not by one of the 3 husbands).

I have a clear understanding of how I was able to survive it all. I'm a fighter. I'll let you in on a little secret about fighters, they have to be self absorbed. That much fight takes concentration on oneself. So much concentration that it pretty much leaves you void of emotion except for a type of anger that spurs you on to the next challenge, let's call it determination so that it sounds better (but goddammit, it is still anger).

So now I find myself in fighter mode again related to work and money. So the selfish angry Lori is surfacing to survive and conquer those issues. All other emotions and desires are gonna have to take a backseat.

This is gonna hurt.

All break ups start here...

Most people work pretty hard to lure a member of the opposite sex. Oh, I can hear you independent women types and you confirmed bachelor types saying "not me". One word, liar. I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt though and say that you really believe you mean it. All the while I feel the need to point out the ways in which you spread your little peacock feathers. Women in particular: wear high heels to make them appear taller (liar you aren't that tall); makeup (your lips aren't really wet from lust nor are they really that pink); your hair is not as straight or curly as you want it to appear; your boobs are not that perky or pushed together; let's not even talk about the plastic surgery aspect. Men: most of you inflate your job title and salary; that American Express platinum you keep in your wallet is for show (you know they cut your credit line during the great dot com crash); your car is usually impressive because all you have is a mattress on the floor for furniture in a one bedroom roach riddled apartment; and the biggest dirty little secret...so so many of you color your hair (don't even try to lie about this one, we women can tell!). So all of this and you are happy being single...right? I'm gonna have to call bullshit here.

Surprisingly, all of that is not the reason for this post, well not exactly. The reason for the post is after all the luring we do, all the lies we tell with body language and spoken language, you are gonna lose that person you lured with a very simple and innocent act. No nothing so exaggerated as cheating (that is not simple or innocent). No not gonna be that the police are at your house over a domestic abuse call (again not simple or innocent). Dang I hate to let the cat out of the bag but here it is: you are gonna flirt. That's it. Simple, innocent. But trust me on this one, whether it be the male or female doing the flirting it is eventually gonna lead to a break up. Since I can hear you doubting me I will elaborate.

 It is gonna be any average day and you are gonna flirt with the wrong person or flirt at the wrong time. Your partner is gonna be in a bad mood and will either retaliate by doing the same thing and let that flirtation end up in the bedroom (this is traditionally how a woman gets even, but I have seen men do it too, this retaliation leads to the break up). Or your partner is just flat out gonna kick your ass to the curb because it was just one too many times (and this is the one that is the most blind siding). When you get kicked to the curb (again this is usually a woman doing the kicking) you will be shocked. You will have no idea what the "kicking to the curb" is all about. Why? because the person doing the kicking has played a little scene in their head a million times of them being the one kicked to the curb (the scene consists of them being kicked to the curb because of your new relationship with the person you are currently flirting with). So they want to be the first to kick. There is a lot of wording here but it boils down to this...

It's a simple and innocent act until you damage your partner's faith in you. My sage advice is this:

Keep on flirting! It is healthy and fun. But damn the poor soul that does it in front of their partner.

The Short Version (2 year update)

I suppose if I am gonna administer self therapy on here again I better catch you up-to-date on my life. This shouldn't take long, I'm boring.

 I still work for the same company and have made many moves for them. I am now in a so-so apartment that costs too much, but still in Omaha area until after the New Year and then the plan is to move to Des Moines, IA for a promotion. My youngest son is in his last year of high school, spends 99% of his time with his father and friends, I rarely see Mr. Popularity. My oldest son has made me a grandma, damn him!! No just kidding, Kinslea is my granddaughter and oh what a precious thing she is. Remember that runaway daughter? Now I can't shake her for shit! Plus I have inherited her boyfriend of 5 years as well (pardon me while I step on this chair with this noose). Who knew that one day you would wish your kid (20 year old life sucking vermin) would run away? But she is a mainstay, I guess I don't hate it.

And oh yeah, that computer boyfriend is moving with me to Des Moines...yep plenty to get through with this little situation...

This self therapy could take a while. I'm thinking of buying a better couch for this.