Hocus Pocus She Won't Lose Focus!

I can feel the anger subsiding, I feel sanity making its way back. I have been so consumed with my daughter that it has been difficult to focus. That consumed feeling is evaporationg so I'm sure it's about time for her to fuck up again (Oh I shouldn't even think it!).

I went to a motivational seminar a while back and one of those adages was brought up that is always brought up at those things. Something like thinking it will make it real only in clever rhiming verse. So I have decided to use that same thought process with hopes of visualizing good behaviour from her and hoping it becomes reality:

She will be first class and not a dumbass!
All her love for Josh now she sees is hogwash!
She prefers watermelons over juvenile felons!
She would rather play in a fort than go to court!
She would rather work overtime than actually do time!
She will work double to make sure she doesn't cause trouble!

Now these are just completely off the top of my head without any real thought process whatsoever.  I am gonna visualize and hope to realize these as truths!

Day 15; She's Back

On day 15 the cops called and said that they were bringing my daughter home. She's back, but for how long?

I gotta be honest with you, when I knew she was coming back I felt about it two ways. First, relief. Second, doom and gloom. The doom and gloom because I know this is not over yet. I am so pissed off at her and disappointed in her that it is hard to convey. I know it may be hard to understand that I am pissed off at her but it is because her actions have been so damned Stupid! I am pissed at her stupidity and lack of a morsel of sound judgement. I am now at the point where I just want her to graduate from high school and then I will let her go, even before the hallowed age of 19. Just freaking graduate and cause as little heartache as possible between now and then.

I think it is the most heartwrenching thing to watch a child make their life so hard. She doesn't know how to get out of her own way. With a bit of luck we are at the tail end of her angst riddled teenage years.

This just sucks...

Day 9

Today is day 9 of the runaway child. Here is the info I have from her so far:

She says she needs to find herself and that she loves me.


That's it. That's what I have.  Unfortunately, she is not legally old enough to find herself. In Nebraska it is not age 18 it is age 19, so she has just over a year before she can go on her journey. On top of all of this the police are looking for her for a couple of reasons. I think she is gonna find herself in a world of trouble.

I am kind of passed the being mad mark. At this point I just can't believe how really stupid she is acting (oh yeah she also said her "stupid teenage years" are here, she has no idea how right she is on that one) and how much trouble she will eventually find herself in. I know she has her asthma medicine, or at least she says she does, I find it hard to believe anything she says these days.

I'm rambling, lack of good sleep I'm guessing. Emotions running rampant.