My Thanksgiving

It was a different kind of Thanksgiving. My children went to grandma's with their father to Iowa. I spent Thanksgiving cooking for 63 people at the nursing home, it was a joy. One of the residents was so pleased with her feast she remarked that she was glad she did not go to her daughter's house for the day...not sure I totally believed her but it was a nice thing to say.

After that I came home and watched sappy Holiday films, my true weakness, love 'em! Now a couple of cocktails and off to bed for me.

Tomorrow it is off to work then out for some shopping. Oh yeah, one other thing happened. Remember my friends that I set up back in March? They moved in together this week and spent their first holiday together as a couple. Kinda gives you goosebumps doesn't it?

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Nice to Know I Do...

OOpsies...that big trip to see my cousin..well, I forgot to ask my boss. I got so caught up in the moment that I didn't even think about asking...soooo

I scheduled the trip and got all excited and it never even once crossed my mind that I should ask for the time off. Big, Huge Mistake! I should have asked.

I was of the mindset that since I have worked so hard and even went almost a month without a day off that there would not be an issue. My mistake...

Big issue, enough for him to say that I could not be gone etc etc...

What to do? Ticket paid for. Hotel paid for. Expectancy there.

Permission DENIED.

After 24 hours of trying to convince him that it was a relatively short time period,,,Still DENIED.

Then, I opened up and explained that I have not seen this family member in at least 25 years and explained the circumstances. Permission granted!

It has been a rough couple of days. And I am not the begging type...but... After explaining and  something that is akin to begging, Permission Granted!

Here are his words: "Didn't know you gave a shit about anything but work, nice to know you do".

I give a shit (rudely put) but true.

I guess I'm human after all. Nice to know I do, give a shit that is.

Misty

I am so emotional tonight that this post may be hard to complete.

I reconnected with my cousin Misty about a year ago, shortly after learning of her sister's suicide. I grew up with that family, they are my family. But it's disappointing to know that you can "forget" family.

I will be going to see her in Austin, TX on Dec 11th. I cannot express in words how much this means to me. The last time I remember seeing her, well, was too long ago to remember. She seems to remember a time when I was an "adult" but unfortunately I do not remember that time. I was probably too self absorbed then, I am past that now. I am not the most important person I know any longer. At this moment, for this time period, she is the most important person I know. I could be placing the bar way too high for our reconnection but I doubt it. See, she is solely responsible for my being alive today.

After her sisters suicide, she blogged about it. That is how I found her again. That is what kept me from committing the same act. Sounds superficial, perhaps enhanced, but nonetheless true...

Besides all of that, I remember all the summers with her and her family. I was and still am, insanely jealous of her life. She was always the "good one". The one that my mother would always point to as the one that I should immulate. I suppose life now reminds me that I am still the "bad one".

She has become very much the woman I wanted to be. SOLID, is the word. She still has the spark of "Dennis of the Menace" while maintaining a very"June Cleaver"  home life. Oh how I wish....

Talented woman...for this I truly despise her. She can tell a story like no one I have ever known. She engages you with words, albeit misspelled, you know what she means because you feel it. Very talented woman...enough to despise her quite frankly.

Even though to despise her is easy for a jealous cousin, to love her is even easier. I can't wait to see you and meet your wonderful family!

Love, your cousin, Lori

My Little Brother

I have a brother 10 years my junior. He has always needed help from either me or our other sister. Wow, I kinda wish I had two older siblings that would have helped me out growing,,,but that is not what this is about.

Sort of not.

My younger brother borders on the genius mentality. He is damn smart and damn likeable, except he only knows about the smart part. I think it has something to do with our upbringing (none of us think we are that likeable, we all try too hard or too little). He does both.

I took him in to raise when he was 14. I was 24. Not exactly a good nurturing environment for him. I was sooo not ready for a teenager so I wasn't good at being a mentor. My husband at the time was much better at mentoring. He made sure he had a good job that paid well at a young age, 19 I think. We helped get him an apartment and a car at that age as well. As you might expect, he fell "in love" and left the apartment to run away with his new love. Left his good job behind and left me stuck with all the bills he owed (about $2500). I carried a grudge for years.

Then I got over it and when he was in his mid twenties he came to me again. I gave him a place to live, a job and a lot of other stuff including pretending to like his girlfriend that was a year older than me.

Big surprise here, they broke up after 3 years.

When they broke up he needed a very small amount to move from their mutual home, $100. I loaned that to him.

Now he won't contact me at all. Today I sent him an email with my new phone number and a plea to not let that $100 come between us.

Let's see how this plays out. Hope he understands I can live without a $100, I just don't want to live without another member of my family...that circle is dwindling fast.